First Day of School INSANITYl!!!

Today was officially the first day of school for MOST of our kids...Joseph actually started on the 12th of August.

It's going to be SUCH a crazy year...I have Kaitlyn attending the IB magnet in Miramar at Miramar High. Joseph is attending the Science & Pre-Engineering magnet in Hallandale Beach (poor Joseph has to be on the bus at 5:30 in the morning!!), Savannah and Brigham are at Sunset Lakes (for a while...I'm not sure if they'll let us stay there after we move...), and Nicolette is attending World of Knowledge Preschool. Five kids in four different schools...and not just all over the city...all over THE COUNTY.

Wait...what's that you say?

Oh...yeah...didn't I tell you?...Nicolette started PRESCHOOL!! She is SO EXCITED!! She has finally joined the school club. She gets to wear a uniform, and pack a lunch, and go off to school for 3 hours a day. Not only that, but her little friend from Ms. Mellyn's Music Class, Alexa, is in the SAME class as her!! Isn't that LUCKY?

This morning was a comedy of errors...we found out seminary didn't start for two more days, so Jason was excited not to have to get up early and take Kaitlyn to school. Kaitlyn, however, had other plans. She didn't want to take the bus...she wanted to be driven. Now...keep in mind that her high school is in a whole other city...and on the FAR SIDE of said city. We were thinking how lucky it was to have two more days to not drive her...since we HAVE to drive her to school when seminary is in session, although she rides the bus home. Anyway...Kaitlyn didn't want to get up early to catch the bus...she wanted two more days to sleep in. And she didn't want to ride a dirty bus in her new clothes, and didn't want the wind from the outside to mess up her hair and the humidity to make it frizz. She was literally in TEARS...crying like a baby because she had to ride the bus.

"It's not fair!!!" she kept whining.

Frustrated, I said: "WHY? Why is it not fair Kaitlyn? Is it fair that we sacrifice to drive you out there every morning to a participate in a program you swear you want, but practically flunked out of last year? Is it fair to the other kids, who are littler and don't have the option of riding a bus, to go to their first day of school alone because we're busy taking our 15-year-old BABY to school? Seriously? Explain to me why it's not fair!!"

"It's just nooot!" she whined between gulping sobs and sniffles.

And this is why Kaitlyn is a spoiled brat who will never reach her potential...because I gave in and agreed to take her. When you find her at 40 years of age working in some crummy little retail hole, spending all her money on fake nails and home highlighting kits and living in a trailer with some loser husband...you can be assured in the knowledge that it is all her mothers' fault for always giving in and allowing her to waste all the opportunity that has been shamelessly showered upon her but never truly earned.

I got up to drive Joseph to his bus stop (Joseph, by the way, rode the bus on his first day of school, although his bus-ride is an hour and half long and takes him to a city 25 miles away, and although he has never ridden a bus before. He has ridden it every school day since...to and from school, with no complaints.) at 5:30...

his bus was late and didn't get there until 6:00am...so I had to RUN home and wake kids up and make lunches. Jason hadn't gotten up because he didn't expect me to be late...so nothing was done. I walked in and Kaitlyn assaults me at the door to help her with the curlers in her hair. I explain that I don't have time...she's 15 and she can do her own hair. I get a big: "FINE!!!" and she stomps off. Savannah and Nicolette are up and Savannah is dressed, with her bed made, and is making Nicolette breakfast (Thank God for Savannah...), so I go wake up Brigham.

Brigham has a good amount of Kaitlyn in him, and doesn't want to get up (he's NOT a morning person...much like her)...he's tired...and he doesn't want to go to school. I don't have time to play games like this (because I have to leave in 10 minutes to get Kaitlyn to school on time), so I yank the covers off him and yell: "GET UP!!!" So, he gets up crying...and of course he can't find his shirt, and his socks feel funny, and it's too hard to make his bed, and he doesn't like orange juice for breakfast...it's clearly a bad morning for Brigham.

Oh!! I forgot to tell you that I am also trying to make this special treat for my kids for their first day of school (because I really do want to be a good mom...really and truly)...this easy little warm danish called Blueberry Cheese Rolls. It's easy...but does require baking...so I am pleading with Brigham, and trying to pack lunches, and arguing with Kaitlyn, and trying to bake breakfast, and threatening Jason that if he doesn't get his @$$ out of bed I'm going to file for a divorce.

Brigham comes out pouting and in tears because the new Sketchers we bought him for school are too big and slip off his feet when he walks. I look at them...and they ARE too big...so then I say: "Well - you're the one that tried them on and said they fit. Now you'll just have to deal with it." So he gets mad and tries to run off to pout, but the shoes are so big that he falls down and bangs his knee, so he curls up in the middle of the floor and just cries that he hates school, and he hates his shoes, and nobody cares about him.

Kaitlyn emerges from her room in a cloud of perfume and stands in the doorway tapping her feet impatiently because she wants to leave.

I ignore Kate, and sit next to Brig and tell him to wear the shoes today, and I'll try and return them at Kohls after he comes home. Then the oven timer goes off, so I rush in to pull out the blueberry rolls. While they cool, I run back to get Nicolette in uniform, and then run back out to serve the rolls and pack lunches, all the while begging and pleading for Brigham to get up off the floor and finish getting dressed and ignoring the impatient sighs and foot-tapping originating from my soon-to-be-sold-into-hard-labor-teenager. I don't know where Jason is...I think he's in the shower...and I curse him in my head because I got up at 4:45am to make sure that I got a shower and still had time to get the kids together. I holler at Kaitlyn to PLEASE put Nicolettes hair up in pigtails, and she does that huge exasperated expelling-of-breath thing and stomps her foot and says: "I'm gonna be late!!!"...and I yell: "Then you should've taken the damn bus!!"...at which point all the kids stop running around and stare at me with their jaws open because mommy just swore, and if mommy swears, then people are about to get spanked.

Kaitlyn, realizing she's the most likely candidate to be on the receiving end of some serious stressed-out-redhead-temper, yanks Nicolette into the bathroom to do her hair, muttering under her breath the entire time. Nicolette emerges teary-eyed from Kaitlyns less-than-gentle treatment, but otherwise unscathed and absolutely ADORABLE. I finish lunches, throw them in backpacks, grab Nicolette and tell Kate to get in the car...and we take off...leaving Jason with the responsibility of making sure the elementary school kids brush their teeth and get to school on-time.

I drive Kate to school...hitting EVERY red-light and school-zone between here and there...and manage to pull up right at 7:22am. She gleefully jumps from the car to meet her friends with nary a backward glance, wave, or "thank you"...slamming the door in my face as I lean across the seat to wish her a "Have a good first..." SLAM!!! "...day..." I end up muttering as I pull recklessly from the drop-off zone, daring one of these high school delinquents to step in front of my car...

Now I'm driving as fast as I can home...my red-light-school-zone-bad-luck maintaining it's stressful hold on me the whole way back (because God wouldn't find it so funny if it was easy for me). I round the corner of our community only to see Jason riding with the kids to school. I look at the car clock...it's 7:52...they have 8 minutes to get to school. They're going to be late on the first day. Why the heck are they only just now leaving? Why can't that man handle getting them to school on time? I mean, compared to what I've been through, what the hell has HE been doing?

I still have to get Nicolette to preschool by 8, so I run home, grab her bag and school supplies (silly me for leaving them at home while I took Kaitlyn to school...thinking I'd have enough time to get back, kiss my elementary schoolers good-bye, and STILL get Nicolette to school on-time!! What was I smoking?), and drive as fast as I can to the preschool...which is (thankfully) just around the corner. I get there at 7:59am. I walk her in to her class, where she immediately finds Alexa, and they run off to play with toys at one of the little tables. I snap a couple pictures, and since she's obviously not plussed to see me leave, I take off.

I get home just as Jason does, and manage to control my ire to ask how the rest of the morning went. He rolls his eyes dramatically and says one word: "Brigham..."

"What else happened?" I asked.

"Well...we got ready to go, and he said his bike felt weird. And it was because his shoes were too big. And then he couldn't find his helmet...so I said to wear Josephs helmet, but he burst into tears that Joseph's helmet was too big. So we tore apart the garage and found his helmet somewhere completely random from where it should have been, and then he can't get on his bike because his backpack is too big, and it bumps on his seat, and he's all upset because we shouldn't have bought him the shoes OR the backpack."

"HE'S the one who wanted those shoes and backpack!" I remind Jason (a bit defensively).

Jason puts his hands up in surrender or defeat...I can't tell which. "I know! I know!" he says. "I TOLD him that. But he wouldn't stop crying. I finally told him that if he went to school bawling like this that everyone would see and call him a baby...and is that what he wanted?"

"What did he do then?" I asked.

"He stopped...but he mumbled and grumbled the whole way to school. And then of course his teacher changed classrooms, and he has to walk farther, and that wasn't fair. And you packed Savannah a different Capri Sun drink than him, and THAT wasn't fair. And he was mad that you weren't there to kiss him good-bye."

I sighed...utterly defeated. "Yeah...I know." I said.

"Don't feel too bad, " Jason said. "I missed Nicolettes first day. I've never missed any of our kids first days...not even Kaitlyns...and especially not the first day of preschool. And today I missed Kaitlyn AND Nicolette."

"Well - Kaitlyn is a little big for parental escort on the first day, although apparently she doesn't seem to realize that...so don't worry. But I am sorry you missed Nickels."

"Kaitlyn IS too big for this crap...if she just would've taken the bus, it would've made everything a lot easier. I mean - she's had her day in the sun...it's the littler kids turn to get some undivided attention."

"I know...it's my fault, too. I'm the one that gave in. I'm sorry. This morning was just crazy...it'll get better."

"It'd better..." Jason said as he grabbed his keys to head for the gym, "or I'm gonna let you home school them after all."

Wait...is that a reward...or a punishment?